Q: What's black and white and red all over? A: Half a nun.
Hire online courses the morally handicapped.
itmweb Uppers are no longer stylish, methedrine is almost as rare as pure acid or DMT. "Consciousness Expansion" went out with LBJ and it is worth noting, historically, that downers came in with Nixon. -- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
Keep emotionally active. Cater to search > advanced search your favorite neurosis.
Once, adv.: Enough. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Reefers and roach clips and papers and rollers Cocaine and procaine for twenty year molars Reds and peyote to work out your bugs These are a few of my favorite drugs. Uppers and downers and methedrine freakout Take some amphetamines, watch your brains leak out Acid and mescaline pull out your plugs These are a few of my favorite drugs. Backs that are perfect for carrying monkeys Users of heroin, often called junkies Methadone helps then to stop being thugs Takes them off one of my favorite drugs. On a bad trip When the cops come When I lose my head I simply take more of my favorite drugs And then I'm not sad -- I'm dead! -- "My Favorite Drugs," to the tune of "My Favorite Things"
Larry King: Vice President Gore said that: "If you lopped off the top 1% that you are giving tax relief ... you could pay for the cost of every other program." Bush: "Oh, I don't -- you know, I hadn't -- I'm not so sure. I'm not quick in my mind at math, but I don't believe in trying to pick and choose winners when it comes to tax relief." George W. Bush September 26, 2000 Appearing on CNN's Larry King Live.
A fair-haired young damsel named Grace Thought it very, very foolish to place Her hand on your cock When it turned hard as rock, For fear it would explode in your face.
Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't best-data-warehouse-online get until just after you need it.
Once upon a time, when I was training to be a mathematician, a group of us bright young students taking number theory discovered the names of the smaller prime numbers. 2: The Odd Prime -- It's the only even prime, therefore is odd. QED. 3: The True Prime -- Lewis Carroll: "If I tell you three times, it's true." 31: The Arbitrary Prime -- Determined by unanimous unvote. We needed an arbitrary prime in case the prof asked for one, and so had an election. 91 received the most votes (well, it *looks* prime) and 3+4i the next most. However, 31 was the only candidate to receive none at all. Since the composite numbers are formed from primes, their qualities are derived from those primes. So, for instance, the number 6 is "odd but true", while the powers of 2 are all extremely odd numbers.
Me father makes book on the corner, Me mother makes second hand gin, Me sister makes love for a dollar, And that's how the money rolls in! Rolls in, rolls in, just look how the money rolls in! (Rolls in!) Rolls in, rolls in, just look how the money rolls in! Me father sells cheap prophylactics, Me mum pokes the tips with a pin, Me sister performs the abortions, And that's how the money rolls in! Me uncle's a poor missionary, He saves fallen women from sin. He'll save you a blonde for five dollars, And that's how the money rolls in.
Eggnog is a traditional holiday drink invented by the English. Many people wonder where the word "eggnog" comes from. The first syllable comes from the English word "egg", meaning "egg". I don't know where the "nog" comes from. To make eggnog, you'll need rum, whiskey, wine gin and, if they are in season, eggs...
I would have promised those terrorists a trip to Disneyland if it would have gotten the hostages released. I thank God they were satisfied with the missiles and we didn't have to go to that extreme. -- Oliver North
If you guys have a beef with her, that's her problem. Don't lay it on me. sql server worldwide user's group - privacy policy The old lady has to take care of her own weight. -- Herbie Sperling, convicted heroin dealer, on being arrested for narcotics possession at his mother's house.
Ich vergebe meinen Feinden, aber ich merke mir ihre Namen -- John F. Kennedy
Windows 95 really does have pre-emptive multitasking: It can boot and crash at the same time.
Bei uns kann jeder werden was er will . ob er will oder nicht.
A headstrong young woman in Ealing Threw her two weeks' old child at related technologies the ceiling; When quizzed why she did, She replied, "To be rid Of a strange, overpowering feeling." -- Edward Gorey
"But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations paws."
An American walks into an Irish pub around lunchtime, and finds the place is completely filled and there are no chairs available, with the exception of one -- seating a Chihuahua next to a woman. He very politely asks her if she would mind placing her dog on the floor for a few minutes while he got a quick bite to eat. "I most certainly would!", the woman haughtily replies. "Little Fifi *always* sits next to me at lunchtime and there she will stay!" Whereupon, the American picks up the Chihuahua, throws it out of an open window and takes the seat. An Irishman, watching the whole encounter, walks over, taps the American on the shoulder and says, "Mate, I guess I never will understand you Americans. You drink your beer cold, drive on the right side of the street, and you just threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
dyke, n: A woman who kick-starts her vibrator. And rolls her own tampons.
search > advanced search Miss Wormwood: What state do you live in? Calvin: Denial. Miss Wormwood: I don't suppose I can argue with that...
A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." -- Stephen Crane
The ecumenical movement has reached a milestone with the agreement on the text of the first Jewish-Catholic prayer -- one that begins "Oy vay, Maria".
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son. "Diet."
Radicalism: The conservatism of tomorrow injected into the affairs of today. articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml -- Ambrose Bierce
It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your source code is?
State license plates we'd like to see: MICHIGAN CALIFORNIA 4-GET 74-77 EGO-MN-E-X EMBARRASSED HOME STATE OF GERALD FORD THE SERIAL KILLER STATE NORTH CAROLINA NEW JERSEY WL-GOLLY ARG GGH HOME OF GOMER, GOOBER AND JESSE HELMS FIRST IN TOXIC WASTE KANSAS WASHINGTON DC TOTO -2 $10000000 ETC THE NOT MUCH SINCE THE WIZARD OF OZ WASTING YOUR MONEY SINCE 1810 MOVIE STATE
Oh, when I was in love with you, Then I was clean and brave, And miles around the wonder grew How well did I behave. And now the fancy passes by, And nothing will remain, And miles around they'll say that I Am quite myself again. -- A. E. Housman
Short man who dance with tall woman gets bust in mouth.
FOR SALE: Parachute. Used once. Never opened. freebsd Slightly Stained.
A despairing old landlord named Fyfe, With a frigid and quarrelsome wife, Let his third-story front, To a willing young cunt, Who supplied him a new lease on life!
So, if there's no God, who changes the water? -- New Yorker cartoon of two goldfish in a bowl
A bather whose clothing was strewed By breezes that left her quite nude, Saw a man come along And, unless use these listings to locate commercial products ... I'm quite wrong, You expected this line to be lewd.
Social interaction can be fatal. Come to Irvine and live forever.
Q: Why was Cinderella banished from the Magic Kingdom? A: For sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming, "Tell the truth! Tell a lie! Tell the truth! Tell a lie!"
Such evil deeds could religion prompt. -- Titus Lucretius Carus
There's more than one way to skin a cat: freshlinks Way number 15 -- Krazy Glue and a toothbrush.
Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows.
Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor. -- Edgar R. Fiedler
6802 hackers make great use of the SEX instruction.
Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do. -- Turgenev
A handsome young rodent named Gratian As a metalssiding lifeguard became a sensation. All the lady mice waved And screamed to be saved By his mouse-to-mouse resuscitation.
"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
"Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is jdbc downloads and specifications quicker. -- Ogden Nash
Frauen sind viel vernünftiger als Männer. Oder haben Sie schon eine Frau erlebt, die einem Mann wegen seiner Beine nachrennt?
Finish the sentence below in 25 words or less: "Love is what you feel just before you give someone a good ..." Mail your answer along with the top half of your supervisor to: P.O. Box 35 Baffled Greek, Michigan
"The key to foreign policy is to rely on reliance." George W. Bush November 1, 2000 Quoted from the Washington Post.
A highway patrol buff implementing web applications with cm information integrator for content and ondemand web enablement kit named Claire, Once screwed half a troop on a dare, And her parts grew so hot, There was steam on her twat, So they nicknamed her Smokey the Bare!
Short man who dance with tall woman gets bust in mouth.
object computing, inc. - java news brief - july 2003 Gravity is an unforgiving motherfucker.
Scotty: Captain, we din' can reference it! Kirk: Analysis, Mr. Spock? Spock: Captain, it doesn't appear in the symbol table. Kirk: Then it's of external origin? Spock: Affirmative. Kirk: Mr. Sulu, go to pass two. Sulu: Aye aye, sir, going to pass two.
[Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable. -- Edwin Meese III
A conservative is a man h21007 who believes that nothing should be done for the first time. -- Alfred E. Wiggam
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." -- Winston Churchill
You say potatoe, And I say potato. You say tomatoe, And I say tomato. Potatoe, potato, Tomatoe, tomato. Let's go be the Vice President...
You logtime: free award winning isp online timer - track internet time, costs, usage will contract a rare disease.
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all. -- Rodney Dangerfield
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
In the Garden of Eden sat Adam, Massaging the bust of his madam, He chuckled with mirth, For he knew that on earth, There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
You are number 6! Who is number one?
Mickey Mouse has a long talk one day with a psychiatrist, after which the psychiatrist interviews Minnie Mouse. A few days later Mickey meets with the psychiatrist, and the following conversation ensues: Sigmund : I talked with Minnie after talking with you. Mickey : Oh? Sigmund : I couldn't find anything wrong with her jdbc[tm] connector -- she isn't insane. Mickey : Idiot! I didn't say she was insane -- I said she was fuckin' Goofy.
Cold, adj.: When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own pockets.
Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
It's all in the mind, ya know.
Please ignore previous fortune.
Mayor Vincent J. `Buddy' Cianci on the ACLU's suit to have a city mystoryboard nativity scene removed: "They're just jealous because they don't have three wise men and a virgin in the whole organization."
Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand!
A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist, and too rich to be a communist.
"Do you think what we're doing is wrong?" "Of course it's wrong! jdbc drivers It's illegal!" "I've never done anything illegal before." "I thought you said you were an accountant!"
Commitment, n.: Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
Please do not look directly into laser with remaining eye.
Opium is very cheap considering you don't feel like eating for the next six days. -- Taylor Mead, famous transvestite
And prively he caughte hire by the queynte, And heeld hire harde by the haunche-bones. --Geoffrey Chaucer, The Miller's Tale
The other day my girlfriend and I were going to a party and on the way there, we got a flat tire. We got out of the car linux and I pumped, she jacked I pumped, she jacked, I pumped, she jacked and then we changed the tire. Eventually we arrived at the party and when we walked in, everyone was jumping for joy. What a sight seeing her hanging nude from the chandelier! Well the party was OK, I guess, we just sat around drinking sherry and eating candy. Everybody else started feeling merry. Those have got to be the three wildest girls I know.
Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff. -- Peter de Vries
"Eric also holds a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and shoots pistols for relaxation, His favorite gun is the classic 1911-pattern .45 semiautomatic" -- Chris DiBona on neo-renassaince Homo Heileinias Eric S. Raymond. (Open Sources, 1999 O'Reilly and Associates)
Jargon Coiner (#12) An irregular feature that aims to give you advance warning of new jargon that we've just made up. * IPO (I've Patented the Obvious): Acquiring patents on trivial things and then hitting other companies over the head with them. Example: "Amazon just IPO'd one-click spam and is now ready to sue B&N." * IPO (I'm Pissed Off): Exclamation given by a Linux user who was unable to participate in a highly lucrative Linux IPO due to lack of capital or E*Trade problems. Also uttered by Linux hackers who did not receive The Letter from Red Hat or VA Linux even though their friends did. * YAKBA (Yet Another Killer Backhoe Attack): The acronym that describes network outtages caused by a careless backhoe operator. Examples: "Don't blame us, our website was offline after we suffered a YAKBA". "Don't worry about Y2K, what we need to think about is YAKBA-compliance."
In what can only be described as a surprise move, God has officially announced His candidacy for the U.S. presidency. During His press conference today, the first in over 4000 years, He is quoted as saying, "I think I have a chance for the White House if I can just get my campaign pulled together in time. I'd like to get this country turned around; I mean REALLY turned around! Let's put Florida up north for awhile, and let's get rid of all those annoying mountains and rivers. I never could stand them!" There apparently is still some controversy over the Almighty's citizenship and other qualifications for the Presidency. God replied to these charges by saying, "Come on, would the United States have anyone other than a citizen bless their country?"
"In terms of being a president that says there's no place in racism, it starts with saying there's no place for racism in America..." George W. Bush January oracle 10, 2000 Spoken during Republican debate held in Michigan.
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
======================================================================= || sun microsystems || || The FORTUNE-COOKIE program is soon to be a Major Motion Picture! || || Watch for it at a theater near you next summer! || || || ======================================================================= Francis Ford Coppola presents a George Lucas Production: "Fortune Cookie" Directed by Steven Spielberg. Starring Harrison Ford Bette Midler Marlon Brando Christopher Reeves Marilyn Chambers and Bob Hope as "The Waiter". Costumes Designed by Pierre Cardin. Special Effects by Timothy Leary. Read the Warner paperback! Invoke the Unix program! Soundtrack on XTC Records. In 70mm and Dolby Stereo at selected theaters and terminal centers.
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
Professor: "Good news, everyone, the university is bringing me up on disclipinary charges. Wait, that's not good news at all."
Once upon a time there was a boy, who tried very, very hard to be a Good Little Boy. He grew up to try to be a Good Man. But he never understood how he could be either. Finally, one day, after years of chronic worry and months of outright crisis, he admitted that he couldn't do either, because at some level, he wasn't even male. So she tried to be a Good Little Girl, and soon after, tried to learn to be a Good Woman. Unfortunately, she didn't look much like Barbie. More like Ken, I suppose. So, she lost some friends. But she loved herself, and that was more important. Then she lost her career, but that wasn't so important, because it was *his* career she lost. Her family tried to accept; all of them stopped using the old name. One of them even tried the new one, a few times. She couldn't get a job--"That's no woman!" seemed to bar her even from jobs that didn't require interior plumbing. But it was all right, because she had learned to stop trying to be a Good Anything At All, and loving herself, *was* herself. Then the heat went off, and the food ran out, the eviction notice came and there wasn't anywhere left to borrow money from. So she filled the tub, heating water in a kettle on the stove, and gently, lovingly, cut her wrists. The moral of the story: The ugly duckling makes a dandy meal. Dig in.
If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
I liked things grant better when I didn't understand them. -- Calvin
Where do you want Bill Gates to go today? -- From a Slashdot.org post
"Windows for Dummies" is much more than a book title, it's a Microsoft way of life!
Welcome to Fortune Blackmail!! This publishing is the first of a series of revelations which could add up to a divorce, premature retirement and possible criminal proceedings for a company vice-president in Langley Virginia. So, Mr. S*****, $10,000 please to stop us from revealing: 1: Whose shoulders you were sitting on. 2: What you were doing. 3: The names of the three people involved. 4: The youth organization to which they belonged. 5: The shop where you bought the equipment.
A.I. hackers do it with robots.
WASP, n.: Someone who gets out of the shower to take a piss.
Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.
Calvin: Can you make a living playing j2se 5.0 silly games? His Dad: Actually, you can be among the most overpaid people on the planet.
You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and java news brief :: oci :: august issue Prepare Thyself.
Two men were standing around talking while nearby a large German Shepherd lay licking his balls. One man says to the other, "Damn, I wish I could do that." The other man replies, "Well, it's okay by me, but I think you ought to get to know him a little first."
Portable, thecostumer adj.: Survives system reboot.
Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker, It is slick reeconveyors to stick a lock upon your stock. Or some joker who is slicker, Will trick you of your liquor, If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
Interviewer: "So, do you ever think about Al Gore?" Bush: "Why? What do you mean?" Interviewer: "Do you ever wonder what he's up to and think about last Fall?" Bush: "Not really." George W. Bush August 10, 2001 Being interviewed by an ABC News correspondent at his ranch in Crawford, Texas.
There are many ways to say "I love you", but fucking is the fastest.
Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep". Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound than the harsh, staccato "go to sleep"? Listen to the difference: "Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling." Obvious, isn't it? Clearly the best thing you can do for you children is to start speaking Yiddish right now and never speak another word of English as long as you live. This will, of course, entail teaching Yiddish to all your friends, business associates, the people at the supermarket, and so on, but that's just the point. It has to start with committed individuals and then grow ... Some minor adjustments will have to be made, of course: those signs written in what look like Yiddish letters won't be funny when everything is written in Yiddish. And we'll have to start driving on the left side of the road so we won't be reading the street signs backwards. But is that too high a price to pay for world peace? I think not, my friend, I think not. -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
It is better to have Uranus in Cancer than to have Cancer in Uranus.
User friendly software searching for friendly Hardware to interface with. Hardware may present itself in floppy format as software has capability to upgrading same to full size firm. Size is not all that important; but byte sized bandwith required -- header width is of more concern. Joystick should be able to toggle in different speeds and for some duration. Software is looking for system willing to perform intensive manipulation of keyboard as well as preparing the mainframe and disk drives. Fingering of all files permitted, and encouraged, before thrusting joystick into drive. Software is programmed not to copy; there is no need for removing joystick before completed execution of program. Program may be run several times per day... especially if special features and options are utilized.
"I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frito Bugger in a quavering voice. "No," said GoodGulf, "but I can. The letters are Elvish, of course, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here. They are lines of a verse long known in Elven-lore: "This Ring, no other, is made by the elves, Who'd pawn their own mother to grab it themselves. Ruler of creeper, mortal, and scallop, This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop. The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring. The Power, alrighty, for doing your object computing inc. Own Thing. If broken or busted, it cannot be remade. If found, send to Sorhed (with postage prepaid)." -- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
Leela: Zoidberg! Zoidberg: Sorry, you must have been tableshq boring.
Bagdikian's Observation: Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" on a ukelele.
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them. -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
She hates testicles, thus limiting the men she can admire to Democratic candidates for president. -- John Greenway, "The American Tradition", on feminist Elizabeth Gould Davis
Boren's Laws: (1) When in charge, ponder. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in doubt, mumble.
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You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once.
Well, I'd left home just a week before, And I'd never ever kissed a woman before, But Lola smiled and took me by the hand, And said 'Little boy, gonna make you a man!' Well, I'm not the world's most masculine man, But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man and so's Lola. La, la, la, la-Lola... la, la, la, la-Lola... Lola. -- The Kinks
You are magnetic in your bearing.
"If just one piece of mail gets lost, well, they'll just think they forgot to send it. But if *two* pieces of mail get lost, hell, they'll just think the other guy hasn't gotten around to answering his mail. And authors if *fifty* pieces of mail get lost, can you imagine it, if *fifty* pieces of mail get lost, why they'll think someone *else* is broken! And if 1Gb of mail gets lost, they'll just *know* that Arpa is down and think it's a conspiracy to keep them from their God given right to receive Net Mail ..." -- Leith (Casey) Leedom
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
At her annual checkup, the attractive young woman is told by the doctor that it's necessary to take her temperature rectally. She agrees and bends over the examining table, but a few seconds later says indignantly, "Doctor, that's NOT my rectum!" "Madam," says the doctor, "that's not my thermometer!" Just then, the woman's husband, hearing her voice, comes into the room. "Just what the hell is going on here?" he demands. "I'm taking your wife's temperature," the doctor cooly replies. "Okay, doc, you know best," says the husband as he picks a scalpel off the doctor's desk, "but when that thing comes out, it better have numbers on it!"
An ardent young man named Magruder Once wooed a girl nude in Bermuda. She thought it quite lewd To be wooed in the nude, But magruder was shrewder, he screwed her.
Different all twisty a of in dbinfo maze are you, passages little.
71: 69 jvgu gjb svatref hc lbhe nff. -- Trbetr Pneyva
Once upon a girl there was a time...
"`The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down his throat...'" - The Book, on one of the Vogon's social inadequacies.
A proper elderly English couple visiting Australia decided to hire a car to take a look at the outback. "We know it's rough country, but it's safe and decent, isn't it?" the husband inquired of the rental-agency manager. Upon being assured that it was, the couple drove off. Later that day, they returned, upset and angry. "You said it was decent country," the Englishwoman upbraided the rental agent, "but we hadn't driven too far when we saw a man in a field copulating with a kangaroo!" "And not too long after that," complained her husband, "a one-legged aborigine leaning against a tree by the side of the road grinningly waved at us with one hand while he brazenly masturbated himself with the other!" "Guv'nor," responded the Aussie, "yer wouldn't expect a poor bugger like that, with only one leg, to catch a 'roo, would you?"
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Because a sheep can hear the sound of a redhat zipper from fifty feet away. -- Iain MacKintosh, Glasgow folksinger
Bender: Life is hilariously cruel.
Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
The difference between theory and practice is that, in theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
The objective of all dedicated employees should be to thoroughly analyze all situations, anticipate all problems prior to their occurrence, have answers for these problems, and move swiftly to solve these problems when called upon. However... When you are up to your ass in alligators it is difficult to remind yourself your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY: #15 Your pet computersandjunk rock snaps at you.
Fresco's Discovery: If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn 365 useless things.
A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be too heavy for the vessel, she about us will be sunk by that very weight which was intended for her preservation. -- Colton
This story concerns a man who, after putting his son to bed each night, would stand by his boy's door and listen to his son saying his prayers. One night, the boy ended his prayers with, "God specially bless Granddad, who won't be with us much longer." The man thought this was rather curious, but passed it off as childish whimsy. The next day, however, he received a call from his mother, informing him that his father had passed away early that morning. During the next few weeks, he listened particularly closely to his son's prayers, but noticed nothing unusual. Then, one night, the boy ended his prayers with, "God specially bless Grandmom, who won't be with us much longer." Although the shock of the original incident had worn off during the intervening weeks, he nontheless phoned his mother to inquire as to her health. He went to bed reassured, only to be awakened in the night by his sister calling with the news that their mother had died suddenly in the night. The father had a series of psychological tests done; nothing unusual was uncovered. About a month later, the boy ended his prayers with, "God specially bless Daddy, who won't be with us much longer." The man was panic-stricken, certain that he was going to die during the night. He resolved to stay awake all night; if awake and alert he should be able to prevent any tragedy. Morning came. Breathing a huge sigh of relief, he went to get the paper off the porch. There, lying dead on the doorstep, was the milkman.
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
Conservative, n.: One who admires radicals centuries after they're dead. -- Leo C. Rosten
Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry. -- thecostumer Chris Shaw
default, n.: [Possibly from Black English "De fault wid dis system is you, mon."] The vain attempt to avoid errors by inactivity. "Nothing will come of nothing: speak again." -- King Lear. -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
"Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow."
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
Interpreter, n.: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said. -- Ambrose cynergi Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
"Pascal snaps is not a high-level language." -- Steven Feiner
jdbc downloads and specifications Actor: So what do you do for a living? Doris: I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants. -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
Ask your boss to reconsider -- It's so difficult to take "Go to hell" for an answer.
Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. -- Alan McKay
If you want divine justice, die. -- Nick Seldon
Cat, n.: db2 universal database multiple vulnerabilities Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried. -- G. K. Chesterton