Mom's Law: When they finally do have to take you to the hospital, your underwear won't be clean or new.

"A reading a list of metadata collections witty saying proves nothing." -- Voltaire

Famous last words: (1) Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix. (2) Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there. (3) What happens if you touch these two wires tog-- (4) We won't need reservations. (5) It's always sunny there this time of the year. (6) Don't worry, it's not loaded. (7) They'd never (be stupid enough to) parallelism in websphere information integrator v8.2 make him a manager.

Thank you. before I begin, I'd like everyone to notice that my report is in a professional, clear plastic binder...When a report looks this good, you know it'll get an A. That's a tip kids. Write it down. -- Calvin

Professor: Some say I'm robbing the cradle but I say she's robbing the grave.

"No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of paper." -- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was taken over by Rupert Murdoch

A business executive is consumed by jealousy: he suspects his wife of cheating on him. The suspicion grows and grows, and one morning as he drives to work he can't take it any more. He thinks to himself, "she probably just waited until I left so she could meet with her lover." When he gets to his office, he calls home. The maid answers. He says, "Hello. Is my wife there?" "Yes, sir", the maid whispers. "Is she with her lover?" The maid pauses, and then says, "Yes, sir, she is, and I must say that I feel terrible about how she treats you." The man yells, "That no good **#*&!!. If you feel as badly as you say you do, you must do this for me: go to my dresser and get my gun. Check to make sure that it's loaded. Then go upstairs and shoot both that cheating two-timing whore and her lover. Dispose of the gun, and then come back to the phone and tell me that it's over. Don't worry -- I'll protect you." The man hears footsteps, a drawer being opened, a click, more footsteps, silence... and then two shots. More footsteps. Finally the maid comes back to the phone and says "It's done." The man asks, "What did you do with the gun?" "I threw it behind the statue in the garden", the maid replies. "Statue in the garden? Say, what number is this, anyway?"

It is a sad commentary on today's society that this fortune has to be classified as "offensive" simply because community it contains the word "fuck".

The two men feigned friendship but secretly hated each other's guts and took great pleasure in giving one another the needle on any and all occasions. This particular evening they met, quite by accident, at a popular bar. The conversation started innocently enough; then one, with sudden inspiration, ran his hand over the other's bald head and exclaimed, "By God, Fred, that feels just like my wife's ass!" The other ran his own hand over his head and nonchalantly retorted, "Well, I'll be damned, Jim, so it does, so it does!"

I had never been too political, but I knew how white people treated black people and it was hard for me to come back to the bullshit white people put a black person through in this country. To realize you don't have any power to make things different is a bitch. -- Miles Davis

Ich bin sicher: Wenn es damals schon Fernsehen gegeben hätte, hätte Hitler nicht funktioniert. In der Großaufnahme hätte er komisch gewirkt. -- Claude Chabrol

"Darling", said the young bride, "tell me what's bothering you. We promised to share all our joys and sorrows, remember?" "But this is different," protested her husband. "Together, darling," she insisted, "we will bear the burden. Now tell me what our problem is." "Well," said the husband, "we've just become the father of a bastard child."

Ooops. Gotta run. newdatarecoveryinfo My dog wants sex. Later.

Mathematicians do it in theory.

May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop skirt.

Which is worse: ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?

"Eric also holds a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and shoots pistols for relaxation, His favorite gun is the classic 1911-pattern .45 semiautomatic" -- Chris DiBona on neo-renassaince Homo Heileinias Eric S. Raymond. (Open Sources, 1999 O'Reilly and Associates)

This life sequoia 2000 ftp server home page is yours. Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.

A castaway was washed ashore after many days on the open sea. The island on which he landed was populated by savage cannibals who tied him, dazed and exhausted, to a thick stake. They then proceeded to cut his arms with their spears and drink his blood. This continued for several days until the castaway could stand no more. He yelled for the cannibal chief and declared, "You can kill me if you want to, but this torture with the spears has got to stop. Dammit, I'm tired of getting stuck for the drinks."

Issawi's Laws of Progress: The Course of Progress: Most things get steadily worse. The Path of Progress: A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.

Q: Why do dogs lick their balls? A: 'Cause they can! topical articles, news and juicy gossip (thefreecountry.com) (Real answer: 'Cause they can't curl their little paws into fists...)

Pushing 40 is exercise enough.

In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when java news brief :: oci :: august issue her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation. -- The Hindu Code of Manu

fornication, n.: Term used by people who don't have anybody to screw with.

"Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear -- kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor -- with the cry of grave national emergency... Always there has been some terrible evil to gobble us up if we did not blindly rally behind it by furnishing the exorbitant sums demanded. Yet, in retrospect, these disasters seem never to have happened, seem never to have been quite real." -- General Douglas MacArthur, 1957

"Vice President mentioned Nigeria is a fledgling democracy. We have to work with Nigeria. That's an important continent." George W. Bush October 11, 2000 Presidential Debate in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of normal routines, for children and adults alike." -- Willard F. Libby, "You *Can* Survive Atomic Attack"

Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. Linux is authors the answer.

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies. -- Fran Lebowitz

"Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?" -Leela

Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. windows, linux grapple in great gadget smack-down! -- Brendan Francis

As you reach for the web, a venomous spider appears. Unable to pull your hand away in time, the spider promptly, but politely, bites you. The venom takes affect quickly causing your lips to turn plaid along with your complexion. You become dazed, and in your stupor you fall from the limbs of the tree. Snap! Your head falls off and rolls all over the ground. The instant before you croak, you hear the whoosh of oracle migrate mssql db2 a vacuum being filled by the air surrounding your head. Worse yet, the spider is suing you for damages.

God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.

I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it. -- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.

Q: How did you get into artificial intelligence? A: free antivirus software and free online virus scanning services (thefreecountry.com) Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.

Accidents cause History. If Sigismund Unbuckle had taken a walk in 1426 and met Wat Tyler, the Peasant's Revolt would never have happened and the motor car would not have been invented until 2026, which would have meant that all the oil could have been community used for lamps, thus saving the electric light bulb and the whale, and nobody would have caught Moby Dick or Billy Budd. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

Paradise is exactly like where you are right wisdomforce now ... only much, much better. -- Laurie Anderson

Flying saucers on occasion Show themselves to human eyes. Aliens fume, put off invasion While they brand these tales as lies.

Hear about... the cross-eyed shoe fetishist who was always getting off on the wrong foot?

articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml Are you a turtle?

We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass no matter how self-seeking. -- F. G. Withington

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored privacy policy of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Windows 2000 is out! -- PC Magazine, April 2013

Accidents cause History. If Sigismund Unbuckle had taken a walk in 1426 and met Wat Tyler, the Peasant's Revolt would never have happened and the motor car would not have been invented until 2026, which would have meant that all the oil could have been used for lamps, thus saving the electric light bulb and the whale, and nobody would have caught Moby Dick or Billy Budd. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.

"One basic notion underlying Usenet is that it is a cooperative." Having been on USENET for going on ten years, I disagree with this. The basic notion underlying USENET is the flame. java news brief::oci::january issue -- Chuq Von Rospach

Puritanism: topical articles, news and juicy gossip (thefreecountry.com) the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. -- H.L. Mencken, "A Book of Burlesques"

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) Play your hunches. This is a day when luck will play an important part in your life. If you were smarter, you wouldn't need so much luck and you wouldn't be reading your horoscope, either. You are a suspicious person, and it will occur to you that astrologers don't know what they're talking about any more than your Aunt Martha.

Knights are hardly worth it. I mean, all that shell and so little meat...

BLISS is ignorance

You fill a much-needed gap.

You use these listings to locate free embedded linux resources on the web ... will outgrow your usefulness.

When I demanded of my friend what viands he preferred, He quoth: "A large cold bottle, and a small hot bird!" -- Eugene Field, "The Bottle and the Bird"

"This database is turning into one very sexy struggle for the human race." -Zapp Brannigan

When things go wrong as they usually will, And your daily road seems all uphill, When funds are low and debts are high, When you try to smile, but can only cry -- And you really feel you'd like to quit, Don't talk to me; I don't give webloggers for past 3 months -- by last name a shit.

That secret you've icewalkers been guarding, isn't.

Fry: "Hey, you guys, the most amazing thing happened, it's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme! Plus there's mermaids."

Man Charged With Crashing Windows MOUNTAIN HOME, AR -- Eric Turgent, a closet Linux advocate, was arrested yesterday for intentionally crashing his co-worker's Windows box at the offices of the "Roadkill Roundup" newspaper. Turgent disputes the charges, saying, "If causing an operating system to crash is illegal, than why isn't Bill Gates serving life without parole?" Turgent's co-worker, Mr. Stu Poor, the clueless technology pundit for the newspaper, is a heavy Microsoft supporter. He frequently brags in his weekly Tech Talk column that he "once had a conversation with Bill Gates." A heated argument broke out yesterday morning in which the two insulted each other ("You're nothing but a Linux hippie freak on the Red Hat payroll!" vs. "You make Jesse Berst and Fred Moody look like [expletive] geniuses!") for two hours. At the heat of the moment, Turgent shoved Poor aside and typed in "C:\CON\CON". The machine crashed and the pundit lost all of his work (a real loss to humanity, to be sure). Turgent is in jail awaiting trial for violating the "Slash Crashes Act". This bill was enacted in 1999 after a Senator's gigabyte cache of pornography was destroyed by a Windows crash.

LEO (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22) Your determination and sense of humor will come to the fore. Your ability to laugh at adversity will be a blessing because you've got a day coming you wouldn't believe. As a matter of fact, if you can laugh at what happens to you today, you've got a sick sense of humor.

Treaty of Helsinki Signed HELSINKI, FINLAND -- A cease-fire oracle in the flame war between Linux and FreeBSD has been reached. A group of two dozen Linux and FreeBSD zealots met in Helsinki to ratify a treaty bringing a temporary end to the hostile fighting between both camps. "Today is a good day for peace," one observer noted. "Now both sides can lay down their keyboards and quit flaming the opposing side on Usenet and Slashdot." The cease-fire is a response to the sudden increase in fighting that has occured over the past two weeks. The Slashdot server became a victim of the cross-fire this week when thousands of Anonymous Cowards and Geek Zealots posted inflammatory comments that amounted to, "My OS is better than your OS!" Many nerds, suffering withdrawl symptoms when the Slashdot site slowed to a crawl, demanded that the bickering stop. "I can't take it anymore! It takes two minutes to download the Slashdot homepage -- assuming the site is actually online. I must have my 'News for Nerds' now! The fighting must stop," one Anonymous Coward ranted.

Hang gliders go down very slowly.

First Corollary of Taber's Second Law: Machines that piss people off get murdered. -- Pat Taber

I'm N-ary the tree, I news > post > entry form am, N-ary the tree, I am, I am. I'm getting traversed by the parser next door, She's traversed me seven times before. And ev'ry time it was an N-ary (N-ary!) Never wouldn't ever do a binary. (No sir!) I'm 'er eighth tree that was N-ary. N-ary the tree I am, I am, N-ary the tree I am.

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. -- Sinclair Lewis

Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in what's in dave's spare room? an opponent. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood

We may eventually come to realize that chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition. annuaire -- Alex Comfort

Starkle, starkle, little twink, Who the hell you are I think I'm not as drunk as thinkle peep I'm just a little slort of sheep. Tee martoonis make a guy, Feel so woozy, I don't know why. So mass the pixer and kill my fup I've all day sober to sunday up.

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts. -- Henry David Thoreau, "Where I Live"

Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to a new town.

What is the difficulty with writing a PDP-8 program to emulate Jerry Ford? Figuring out what to do with the other 3K.

Hear about... the fine, upstanding young woman articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml who's wonderful laying down?

Disc space -- the final frontier!

Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs. -- Lily Tomlin

There is nothing wrong with screwing everyone in sight. Boring your friends about it is the sin. -- use these listings to locate free embedded linux resources on the web ... Mama Liz

186,282 miles per second: It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!

Mayor Vincent J. `Buddy' Cianci on the ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed: "They're just jealous because they don't have three wise men and a virgin in the whole organization."

Satyrs jdbc technology have more faun.

"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor, just like you like to be liked yourself." George W. Bush January 14, 2000 Quoted in the Financial Times.

Q: What goes: Sis! Boom! Baaaaah! A: Exploding sheep.

Dave Finton gazes into his crystal ball... May 2049: Transmeta Updates Webpage In a bold move that shocked observers everywhere, Transmeta Corp., a secretive Silicon Valley company, updated their webpage. According to our sources, Transmeta fixed a bug in their existing web page located in the comment "This page contains no tyops". The message has been fixed to read "This page contains no typso".

Welcome to Fortune Blackmail!! This is the first of a series of revelations which could add up to a divorce, premature retirement and possible criminal webloggers for past 3 months -- by last name proceedings for a company vice-president in Langley Virginia. So, Mr. S*****, $10,000 please to stop us from revealing: 1: Whose shoulders you were sitting on. 2: What you were doing. 3: The names of the three people involved. 4: The youth organization to which they belonged. 5: The shop where you bought the equipment.

A man who likes to lie in bed can usually find a girl willing to listen to him.

"Some things don't need the thought people give them." -Hobbes

Kasha, n.: Kasha is always defined as "buckwheat groats". There's only one problem with this definition: what the fuck are "buckwheat groats"? *_I* know what they are -- they're kasha. But that doesn't help *___you* much. -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"

Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then single board computer (sbc) quick reference guide you find there is nothing in it.

"Everybody who pays taxes is going to get tax relief. If you take care of an elderly in your home, you're going to get the personal exemption increased." George W. Bush October 17, 2000 In answer to a question about his tax plan at the third presidential debate.

I love the smell of napalm in coolabout the morning. -- Robert Duval, "Apocalypse Now"

Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.

A beautiful belle of Del Norte Is reckoned disdainful and haughrty Because during the day She says: "Boys, keep away!" But she fucks in the gloaming like forty.

K: Cobalt's metal, hard and shining; Cobol's wordy and confining; KOBOLDS topple when you strike them; Don't feel bad, it's hard to like them. -- The Roguelet's ABC

The only skills I have patience to learn are those that have no real application in life. -- Calvin

Radioactive cats have oci - consulting services 18 half-lives.

Whatever else can be said about sex, it cannot be called a dignified performance. -- Helen Lawrenson

Einsamer (22) sucht Einsame (18-35) zum Einsamen. -- Anzeige

innunendo, n.: Italian enema.

java.net - the source for java technology collaboration Moustache rides, 50 cents.

That secret you've been guarding, isn't.

Q: What do you call couples that use that rhythm method? A: Parents.

A sweetheart named Teresa Arden Went down on her beau in the garden. He said, "Good lord, Tess, Don't swallow that mess!" And she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?"

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use. -- Galileo Galilei

"The fact that he relies on facts --- says things that are not factual firefox - rediscover the web --- are going to undermine his campaign." George W. Bush March 4, 2000 Referring to Al Gore. Quoted in the New York Times.

A lady with one of her ears applied To an open keyhole heard, inside, Two female gossips in converse free -- The subject engaging them was she. "I think", said one, "and my husband thinks That she's a prying, inquisitive minx!" As soon as no more of it she could hear The lady, indignant, removed her ear. "I will not stay," she said with a pout, "To hear my character lied about!" -- Gopete Sherany

Having lost his h21007 potency years before, the octogenarian was desperate to satisfy his new 18-year-old wife. He visited a gypsy woman with magical powers. After the man downed a foul-tasting potion, the gypsy said, "There. Now the words beep-beep will give you an enormous erection. Repeating the phrase will make it disappear. But remember," she cautioned, "it will work only three times. Make use of them wisely." As the old man left, he decided to test her prediction. "Beep-beep," he said, and sure enough, he got the biggest erection of his life. "Beep-beep", he repeated. It went away. He sped through traffic on his way home. "Beep-beep," honked a taxi. The old man gasped as he instantly got hard. "Beep-beep," honked a truck. His erection wilted. Pulling into his driveway at last, the frantic man rushed inside and found his nubile wife lying on the bed reading a novel. "Have I got a surprise for you," he said, tearing off his clothes. "Beep-beep!" "Hold on a second," his wife said, eyeing his magnificent erection. "What's all this beep-beep shit?"

Go out with girls Dutch treat -- pay for dinner, drinks, and the movie, free spyware / adware / trojans / hijackers detection, prevention, removal (thefreecountry.com) and the rest of the evening is on her.

I have "ruled out no new Social Security taxes." George W. Bush October 1, 2000 He was thought to mean that new promotions Social Security taxes were ruled out. Reported by the Washington Post.

Dianetics is a milestone for man comparable to his discovery of fire and superior to his invention of the wheel and the arch. -- L. Ron Hubbard

I went on to test the program in every way I could devise. I strained it to expose its weaknesses. I ran it for high-mass stars and low-mass stars, for stars born exceedingly hot and those born relatively cold. I ran it assuming the superfluid currents beneath the crust to be absent -- not because I wanted to know the answer, but because I had developed an intuitive feel for the answer in this particular case. Finally I got a run in which the computer showed the pulsar's temperature to be less than absolute zero. I had found an error. I chased down the error and fixed it. Now I had improved the program to the point where it would not run at all. -- George Greenstein, "Frozen Star: Of Pulsars, Black Holes and the Fate of Stars"

Dammit, how many times do I have to tell you? _____FIRST you rape, ____THEN you pillage!!

"I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder have included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products. This technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's reign. My carpet smells like piss, and I don't have a cat. Better go by some more." -- timw@zeb.USWest.COM

Die Geschlechter unixodbc sind sehr verschieden. Biologisch, im Kopf, vom Denken, vom Fühlen. Dadurch entsteht eine Kommunikationslücke zwischen ihnen, die wir mit Sex zu schließen versuchen. -- Camille Paglia, amerikanische Schriftstellerin.

Heuristics are bug ridden by definition. If they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.

What's the ugliest part of your body? What's the ugliest part of your body? Some say your nose, Some say your toes, But I think it's your mind. -- Frank Zappa, 1965

QOTD: "It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who gets tied up."

developer home - products & technologies Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.

A young lad named Lester McGraw Caught a stranger on top of his Maw. As he watched him stick her He said, with a snicker, "You do it much faster than Paw."

Everyone in the smart nightclub was amazed by the old gentleman, obviously pushing 70, tossing off manhattans and cavorting around the dance floor like a 20-year old. Finally curiousity got the best of the cigarette girl. "I beg your pardon, sir," she said, "but I'm amazed to see a gentleman of your age living it up like a youngster. Tell me, are all of your faculties unimpaired?" The old fellow looked up at the girl sadly and shook his head. "Not all, I'm afraid." he said. "Just last evening I went nightclubbing with a girlfriend -- we drank and danced all night and finally rolled into her place about two A.M. We went to bed immediately, and I was asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. I woke around three-thirty and nudged my girl." "Why, George," she said in suprise, "we did that fifteen minutes ago." "So you see," the old boy said sadly, "my memory is beginning to fail me."

"Scott, baby," mystoryboard the sexually aggressive girl murmured as she guided her date's finger to her clitoris, "This bud's for you."

"It is our moral duty to corrupt the young"

"The policeman isn't there to create disorder. The policeman is there to ________preserve disorder." -- Mayor Daley

He who hesitates is a damned fool. -- Mae West

BULLWINKLE: "You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit." GENERAL: "What does that make YOU?" BULLWINKLE: "What else? An executive..." -- Jay Ward

Hartley's First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on javahispano his back, you've got something.

One hundred and one uses for canned peaches. One hundred and two if you plan to eat them.

Leela: Is there some way to keep them from breeding? Paul: Cold showers don't work on Antarctic creatures.

Non Illegitimus Carborundum. [Don't let the bastards wear you down.]

If A equals success, then the formula is _A = _X + _Y + _Z. _X is work. _Y is play. _Z is keep your mouth shut. -- Albert Einstein

Never commit yourself! sun microsystems - developer home Let someone else commit you.

Hear that... there's an establishment near the White House that caters to kinky tastes? There's a House whip in attendance, of course?

A man goes into a bar and begins to tell a Polish joke. The man sitting next to him, a big hulking powerhouse, turns and says menacingly, "*I'm* Polish." He then calls out, "Ivan! Come over here and bring your brother." Two men, bigger than the first, appear from the back room. "Josef!" the man calls out, "come here a second, and bring Lendl with you." Two more men appear, and all five men crowd around the man with the joke. "Now," says the first Polish man, "do you want to finish that joke?" "Nah," says the man. "Oh, no? And why not? I'm sure it was very funny," says the Polish man, opening and closing his fist. "Are you scared?" "No," replies the man. "I just don't feel like having to explain it five times."

Double-Blind Experiment, n.: An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is fooling both the subject and the lab assistant. Often accompanied by a belief in the tooth fairy.

alphabeticfilingrules A friendly message from your Internal Revenue Service: tax time is coming again soon. Bend over.

"Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble in alcohol ..." -- Crazy Nigel

Und geht auch alles in die Binsen, oracle export txt table flat file text immer musst Du heftig grinsen.

Power corrupts. And atomic power corrupts atomically.

"If anyone wants to trade a couple of centrally located, well-cushioned showgirls for an eroded slope 90 minutes from Broadway, I'll be on this corner tomorrow at 11 with my tongue hanging out." -- S. J. Perelman

Brontosaurus Principle: Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own physiology: when this occurs, they are an endangered species. -- Thomas K. Connellan

God best-data-warehouse-online isn't dead -- he's been busted.

W. Lafayette may not be the asshole of the universe... but you sure as hell can see it from there!

Everlasting peace will come to the world when the last man has slain the last but one. -- Adolph Hitler

rugby, n.: A sport requiring leather balls.

Beat me, whip me, make me use Windows!

It is not true en that life is one damn thing after another -- it is one damn thing over and over. -- Edna St. Vincent Millay

All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side. -- Mark Twain

Hire the morally handicapped.

The great nations have always acted like gangsters and the small nations like prostitutes. -- Stanley Kubrick

$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at which time it will be ibm privacy - united states worth absolutely nothing. -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"

Every time I think that perhaps we are an advanced race, I turn around and read ramblings on Slashdot, and realize I was wrong. -- From a Slashdot.org post

Optimization hinders evolution.

"Arthur yawed wildly as his skin tried to jump one way and his skeleton the other, whilst his brain tried to work out which of his ears it most wanted to crawl out of. `Bet you weren't expecting to see me again,' said the monster, which Arthur couldn't help thinking was a strange remark for it to make, seeing as he had never met the creature before. He could tell that he q&a: ibm's leblanc on websphere plans hadn't met the creature before from the simple fact that he was able to sleep at nights." - Arthur discovering who had diverted him from going to a party.

A man walks into the doctor's office and the doctor says to him, "I've got some good news and some bad news." "Tell me the good news first" the patient replies. "The good news is that your penis is going to be about two inches longer and about an inch wider," the doctor says. "That's great!" says his patient. "What's the bad news?" "Malignant."

... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this business, it probably would be gibberish. -- Thom McLeod