Schlattwhapper, n.: The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down, hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Linux Dominates Academic Research A recent survey of colleges and high school reveals that Linux, Open Source Software, and Microsoft are favorite topics for research projects. Internet Censorship, a popular topic for the past two years, was supplanted by Biology of Penguins as another of this year's most popular subjects for research papers. "The Internet has changed all the rules," one college professor told Humorix. "Nobody wants to write papers about traditional topics like the death penalty, freedom of speech, abortion, juvenile crime, etc. Most of the research papers I've seen the past year have been computer related, and most of the reference material has come from the Net. This isn't necessarily good; there's a lot of crap on the Net. One student tried to use 'Bob's Totally Wicked Anti-Microsoft Homepage of Doom' and 'The Support Group for People Used by Microsoft' as primary sources of information for his paper about Microsoft." A high school English teacher added, "Plagarism is a problem with the Net. One of my students 'wrote' a brilliant piece about the free software revolution. Upon further inspection, however, almost everything was portal stolen from Eric S. Raymond's website. I asked the student, "What does noosphere mean?" He responded, 'New-what?' Needless to say, he failed the class."
He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue. -- Jonathon Swift
You have a object computing, inc. - java news brief - july 2003 deep interest in all that is artistic.
Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention Unless the results are what ibm has in store known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal.
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. -- H.L. Mencken, "Little Book in C major", 1916
"My pan plays down an unprecedented amount of our national debt." George W. Bush February 27, 2001 From a speech concerning the proposed federal budget.
Real programmers disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet- trained. They wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise clear desks.
Infatuation, n: When you're in love, there's a lump in your throat. When you're infatuated, there's a lump in your pants.
Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly annuaire the point of most pressure. -- Milt Barber
Schön, ich hab' Haare auf der Brust. Na und - Lassie etwa nicht?
I GUESS I KINDA LOST CONTROL because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to illustrate one of the human emotions which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill someone for money or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
Zapp: The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongey and bruised.
coyote love, n: Coyote love is a nebulous term. Basically, what it involves is the taking of a member of the preferred sex home from a singles bar. Then, when you wake up the next morning, they're sleeping on your arm. So, rather than wake them up as you escape, you chew off your arm at the shoulder. coyote ugly, adj: When you chew off the other arm 'cause she'll be looking for a one-armed man! See also proof that average instantaneous beauty increases monotonically as alcohol consumption increases and time, t, approaches last call.
Ladies, here's a hint: If you're playing against a friend who has big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. That's the hardest shot for the well endowed. "I've got to hit over them or under them, but I iseries network can't hit through," Annie Jones used to always moan to me. Not having much in my bra, I found it hard to sympathize with her. -- Billie Jean King
Calvin : I think we have got enough information now, don't you? Hobbes : All we have is one "fact" that you made up. Calvin : That's plenty. By the time we add an introduction, a few illustrations and a conclusion, it'll look like a graduate thesis.
Harvard Law: Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study authors of carbon compounds that crawl. -- Mike Adams
Doctors take two aspirin and do it in the morning.
Chivalry, Schmivalry! Roger the thief has a method he uses for sneaky attacks: Folks who are reading are Characteristically Always Forgetting to Guard their own bac ...
Were-Bender: Oh boy, I feel like a car in a what's in dave's spare room? candy store.
The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.
If you want to travel around the world fcke and be invited to speak at a lot of different places, just write a Unix operating system. -- Linus Torvalds
(1) Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. (2) If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts. (3) Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move. (4) Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as the social ramble ain't restful. (5) Avoid running at all times. (6) Don't look back, something might be gaining on you. -- S. Paige, c. 1951
A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author. -- S. C. Johnson
We will follow Zarathustra, We will worship like the Druids, Zarathustra like we use to, Dancing naked in the woods, I'm a Zarathustra booster, Drinking strange fermented fluids, And he's good enough for me! And it's good enough for me! (chorus) (chorus) In the church of Aphrodite, The priestess wears a see through nightie, She's a mighty righteous sightie, And she's good enough for me! (chorus) CHORUS: Give me that old time religion, Give me that old time religion, Give me that old time religion, 'Cause it's good enough for me!
Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your life in such a mess.
Jargon Coiner (#6) An irregular feature that aims to give you advance warning of new jargon that we've just made up. * STOP MIRAGE: Trying to click on an imaginary Stop button on a program's toolbar after doing something you didn't want to. Usually caused as the result of excessive use of Netscape. * YA-PREFIX: legal information Putting "another" or "yet another" in front of a name or tacking "YA" in front of an acronym. Example: "We could ya-prefix this fortune by titling it 'Yet Another Lame List of Fabricated Jargon'." * DOMAINEERING: Using a service like Netcraft to determine what operating system and webserver a particular domain is running. * NOT-A-SALTINE EXPLANATION: The canned response given to someone who uses the term "hacker" instead of "cracker".
I en tell ya, drugs never worked out for me. The first time I tried smoking pot I didn't know what I was doing. I smoked half the joint, got the munchies, and ate the other half. Well, the first time I tried coke I was so embarrassed. I kept getting the bottle stuck up my nose. -- Rodney Dangerfield
Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo!
Actor: "I'm a smash hit. Why, yesterday during the last act, I had everyone glued in their seats!" Oliver Herford: "Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!"
"`Credit?' he said. `Aaaargggh...' These two words are usually coupled together in the Old Pink Dog Bar." - Ford in a spot of bother.
legal information Mathematicians do it in theory.
Board the windows, up your car insurance, and don't leave any booze in plain sight. It's St. Patrick's day in Chicago again. The legend has it that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. In fact, he was arrested for drunk driving. The snakes left because people kept throwing up on them.
Acid -- better living through chemistry.
God isn't dead, He's just trying to avoid the draft.
"Lemme show ya the odds, Sparky... In yer country, ya got 14 million black people, and 3 million white people. Now, does the name `Custer' mean anything to you?" -- Robin Williams, portraying Lester Maddox talking to Prime Minister Botha of South Africa.
Nondeterminism means never having about jamie's software to say you are wrong.
Actor: "I'm a smash hit. Why, yesterday during the last act, I had everyone glued in their seats!" Oliver Herford: "Wonderful! Wonderful! Clever of you to think of it!"
i'm hung up on main memory databases Never say "Oops" in an operating room.
A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. -- Daniel Webster
I paid a visit to my local precinct in Greenwich Village and asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics. He politely obliged. That month there had been thirty-five rape complaints, an advance of ten over the same month for the previous year. The precinct had made two arrests. "Not a very impressive record," I offered. "Don't worry about it," the sergeant assured me. "You know what these complaints represent?" "What do they represent?" I asked. "Prostitutes who didn't get their money," he said firmly, closing the book. -- Susan Brownmiller, "Against Our Will"
"I'm trying to protect my invest---my contributors from unscrupulous practices." George W. Bush July 18, 1998 Quoted in free webmaster resources (thefreecountry.com) the Houston Chronicle.
"I need a camel that can go without water for at least three weeks," the American said to an Algerian camel merchant. "Is it possible?" "All things are possible," replied the merchant. He proceeded to take a camel out of his barn and lead him to a tank of water. After the camel had drunk its fill and was about to lift its head out of the tank, the merchant picked up two nearby bricks, one in each hand, stepped behind the camel, and smacked his testicles with the bricks. The camel let out a gigantic "Whhoooosh!" and sucked up what seemed like twenty more gallons of water. The American stared incredulously at the camel merchant. "My God, man!" he exclaimed, "doesn't that hurt?!" The merchant shrugged. "Only if you get your thumbs in between the bricks."
Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as Mental Anguish. You would sue: * The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions section that says you should never never never ever stick you hand into the toaster, the statement "Not even if your wedding ring falls in there". * The store where you bought the toaster, for selling it to an obvious cretin like yourself. * Union Carbide Corporation, which is not directly responsible in this case, but which is feeling so guilty that it would probably send you a large cash settlement anyway. -- Dave Barry
Hast du oracle migrate sql server db2 keinen Bock, versuch's mal mit 'ner Ziege.
Infatuation, n: When you're in love, there's a lump in your throat. When you're infatuated, there's a lump in a tale of two authors your pants.
Lewis's Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
Eleanor Rigby Sits at the keyboard And waits for a line on the screen Lives in a dream Waits for a signal Finding some code That will make the machine freshlinks do some more. What is it for? All the lonely users, where do they all come from? All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
Miksch's Law: If a string has one end, then it has another end.
While farmers generally allow one rooster for ten hens, ten men are scarcely sufficient to service one woman. -- Boccaccio
If you think the problem is jdbc documentation bad now, just wait until we've solved it. -- Arthur Kasspe
pain, n.: Falling out of a twenty story building, and snagging your eyelid on a nail.
I wrote a book jnb-aug-phx on penguins. Paper would have been better. -- Gary Delaney
Frauen sind viel vernünftiger als Männer. Oder haben Sie schon eine Frau erlebt, die einem Mann wegen seiner Beine nachrennt?
"This is a great, as long as you don't make me smell Uranus. Heh heh." -Fry "I don't get it." -Leela "I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all." -Professor "Oh. What's it called now?" -Fry "Urectum." -Professor
She say, Miss Colie, You better hush. God might hear you. Let 'im hear me, I say. If he ever listened to poor colored women the world would be a different place, I can thefreecountry.com: our no spam policy tell you. -- Alice Walker, "The Color Purple"
Confucious say: man who sleep in road wake up with run-down feeling.
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. -- Charles McCabe
SOLOIST: MOUNTIES: I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK, He's a lumberjack and he's OK, I sleep all night and I work all day. He sleeps all night and he works all day. I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, I go to the lavatory. He goes to the lavatory. On Wednesday I go shopping, On Wednesday he goes shopping, And have buttered scones for tea. And has buttered scones for tea. I cut down trees, I skip and jump, He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, I like to press wild flowers, He likes to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing, He puts on women's clothing, And hang around in bars. And hangs around in bars. I cut down trees, I wear high heels, He cuts down trees, he wears high heels, Suspenders and a bra. Suspenders? and a bra? I wish I'd been a girlie, That's rude... Just like my dear Pappa.
Home centers are designed for the do-it-yourselfer who's willing to pay higher prices for the convenience of being able to shop for lumber, hardware, and toasters all in one location. Notice I say "shop for", as opposed to "obtain". This is the major drawback of home centers: they are always out of everything except artificial Christmas trees. The home center employees have no time to reorder merchandise because they are too busy applying little price stickers to every object -- every board, washer, nail and screw -- in the entire store ... Let's say a piece in your toilet tank breaks, so you remove the broken part, take it to the home center, and ask an employee if he has a replacement. The employee, who has never is his life even seen the inside of a toilet tank, will peer at the broken part in very much the same way that a member of a primitive Amazon jungle tribe would look at an electronic calculator, and then say, "We're expecting a shipment of these sometime around the middle of next week". -- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more free partition editors, managers and recovery (partitioning software) (thefreecountry.com) than the estimate the job will cost.
Coors, n: Like making love in a canoe -- fucking close to water.
Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb? A: Eight. One to work the bulb, and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too. -- Richard M. Nixon
Leela: Your face krapkowice can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. Fry: There's a lot about my face you don't know.
Opinions are like assholes -- everyone's got one, but nobody wants to look at the other guy's. -- Hal Hickman
I walked on toward Ploughwright, thinking about feces. What a lot we had found out about the prehistoric past from the study of fossilized dung of long-vanished animals. A miraculous thing, really; a recovery from the past from what was carelessly rejected. And in the Middle Ages, how concerned people who lived close to the world of nature were with the feces of animals. And what a variety of names they had for them: the Crotels of a Hare, the Friants of a Boar, the Spraints of an Otter, the Werderobe of a Badger, the Waggying of a Fox, the Fumets of a Deer. Surely there might be some words for the material best-data-warehouse-online so near to the heart of Ozy Froats [an academic studying feces] than shit? What about the Problems of a President, the Backward Passes of a Footballer, the Deferrals of a Dean, the Odd Volumes of a Librarian, the Footnotes of a Ph.D., the Low Grades of a Freshman, the Anxieties of an Untenured Professor? -- Robertson Davies, "The Rebel Angels"
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time." -- Steven Wright
I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket. -- Lyndon Baines Johnson
Wein ist in oracle Flaschen gefüllte Poesie.
Nuke the gay, unborn, baby whales for Jesus.
monotony, n.: Marriage to one woman at a time.
Schoene Worte sind nicht wahr. Wahre Worte sind nicht schoen. -- Lao-Tse
Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids and taxes. Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they're entitled to a little fun first. Democrats make up plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made. Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in the USA. The remainder is thrown out. Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there all articles is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't. Republicans sleep in twin beds -- some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats. -- Paul Dickson, "The Official Rules"
"If you're sick and tired of the politics and cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign." George W. Bush February 16, 2000 Speaking at Hilton Head, South Carolina during presidential campaign.
Well, I'd left home just a week before, And I'd never ever kissed a woman before, But Lola smiled and took me by the hand, And said 'Little boy, gonna make you a man!' Well, I'm not the world's most masculine man, But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man and so's Lola. La, la, la, la-Lola... la, la, la, la-Lola... Lola. -- The Kinks
Hear about... the new instrument of credit especially designed for use in Los Angeles single bars? It's called Bang Americard.
Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it. database -- Lewis Grizzard
After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths. -- Steve Wright
Bender: Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard. I'll kill you! Fry: I'll kill you too, buddy, I'll kill you too.
"If anyone wants to trade a couple of centrally located, community well-cushioned showgirls for an eroded slope 90 minutes from Broadway, I'll be on this corner tomorrow at 11 with my tongue hanging out." -- S. J. Perelman
"It reading a list of metadata collections using jet odbc says he made us all to be just like him. So if we're dumb, then god is dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side." -- Frank Zappa
Der Mensch hat dreierlei Wege, klug zu handeln: erstens durch Nachdenken, das ist der edelste. Zweitens durch Nachahmen, das ist der leichteste. Und drittens durch Erfahrung, das ist der bitterste. -- Konfuzius
Green light in a.m. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
Des embedded linux consortium - championing the advancement of embedded linux Menschens größter Feind ist der Alkohol. Deshalb ist man dazu verpflichtet, ihn in Massen zu vernichten!
All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others. -- Alan Truscott
A couple was fishing near Clombe When the maid began looking quite glum, And said, "Bother the fish! I'd rather coish!" Which they did -- jnb-oct which was why they had come.
An impish young fellow named James Had a passion for idiot games. He lighted the hair Of his lady's affair And laughed as she pissed through the flames.
San Francisco is my kind of city, Where the women are strong and the men are pretty.
"I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it (your paper) presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage." -- English Professor, Providence College
"It's easier said than done." ... and if you don't believe wharton school publishing it, try proving that it's easier done than said, and you'll see that "it's easier said that `it's easier done than said' than it is done", which really proves that "it's easier said than done".
Q: How can you tell if an elephant is sitting on your back in a hurricane? A: You can hear his ears flapping in the wind.
Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."
Advancement idug and ca to deliver free db2/java webcast in position.
Q: What do two WASPs say after making love? A: Thank you very much. It'll never happen again.
"By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry' ..." -- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
"The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it." - Ford making his way out of Milliways whilst under the influence of enough alchol to make a rhino sing.
And yet, seasons must be taken with a the latest news & announcements about linux in embedded applications ... grain of salt, for they too have a sense of humor, as does history. Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks tragedy, and this too is historic. And yet, still, when corn meets tragedy face to face, we have politics. -- Dalglish, Larsen and Sutherland, "Root Crops and Ground Cover"
You need more time; and you probably always will.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out! -- Ken Thompson
One is not superior text cvs oracle extract merely because one sees the world as odious. -- Chateaubriand (1768-1848)
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers.
You j2ee forums will get what you deserve.
Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
I would not like to be a political leader in Russia. They never know when they're being taped. -- Richard Nixon I love America. You always hurt the one you love. -- David Frye impersonating Nixon
"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell. It is for jnb-june this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells. It also does no harm, in dealing with these matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times." -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over again. People think you are stupid.
All extremists should topical articles, news and juicy gossip (thefreecountry.com) be taken out and shot.
Demonstrating once again the importance of the lowly comma, this telegram was sent from a wife to her husband: "NOT GETTING ANY, BETTER COME HOME AT ONCE."
Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news. The remaining villager asked, "What did the King say to you?" "What he said -- and quite distinctly, for everyone to hear -- was 'Get out of my way!'" The simpleton db2 articles was overjoyed; he had heard words actually spoken by the King, and seen the very man they were spoken to.
mosquito, n.: The javaone state bird of New Jersey.
Ocean, n.: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
"Until you stalk and overrun, you can't devour anyone." --- Hobbes
rugby, n.: hot topic: carrier grade linux A sport requiring leather balls.
If God had meant for Texans to ski he would have made bullshit white.
Dammit, how many times do I have to tell you? _____FIRST you rape, ____THEN you pillage!!
"I think he said 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'" "Nonsense, he was obviously referring to all manufacturers of dairy products." -- The Life of Brian
Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so get used to it.
Most fish live underwater, which is a terrible place to have sex because virtually anywhere you lie down there will be stinging crabs and large quantities of little fish staring at you with buggy little eyes. So generally when two fish want to have sex, they swim around and around for hours, looking for someplace to go, until finally the female gets really tired and has a terrible headache, and she just dumps her eggs right on the sand and swims away. Then the male, driven by some timeless, noble instinct for survival, eats the eggs. So the truth hot topic: books on embedded linux is that fish don't reproduce at all, but there are so many of them that it doesn't make any difference. -- Dave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every Teen Should Know"
One of my favorite Zoo jokes has to do with a woman who, while visiting the zoo, desided to have a little fun with the Gorilla. She walks up to his cage, reaches in, and begins to fondle the beast. Needless to say, the animal becomes quite excited, and as he tries to reciprocate in kind, the woman steps back and gives him a raspberry...! The gorilla becomes enraged. He rips the bars from his cage, grabs the woman, drags her back into the cage, and ravishes her. While doing so, he inflicts a great deal of harm upon her person. Later, at the hospital, a neighbor of the woman visits and exclaims, "Oh, you poor dear...! Are you hurt?" "Hurt!", "Hurt!?" the injured lady sobs, "He doesn't phone. He never writes..."
I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
The new patron was amazed by the cleanliness of the restaurant. A waiter approached the table. "Good afternoon, sir. What may I serve you?" "I'll have the steak dinner," the man answered. As the waiter headed for the kitchen, the diner noticed that he wore a spotless white apron and clean white gloves. Soon the waiter returned, bearing a casserole dish on a cart which he uncovered to reveal two tempting filet mignons. From a covered pocket in his apron he produced a small pair of shining silver tongs and with them he transferred the meat from the steaming casserole to the diner's plate. "We never touch anything with our hands," he explained. The waiter continued serving. "Confidentially," he said, "we even have a special set of rules about visiting the lavatory. Do you see this little piece of string attached to my apron?" "Yes," the diner replied. "I noticed that all the aprons had one." The waiter put a large browned potato on the plate with his tongs. "Well," he began, "if I should have to go to the bathroom, that string comes in very handily. I simply unzip my pants and take it out with that piece of string. That way everything stays sanitary." "But how do you put it back?" "Well, I don't know about the other guys," the waiter confided, "but I use the tongs."
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the cognos announces extended agreement with ibm Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea ... -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to the earlier joke.
Fry: How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Hermes: Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. Amy: No.
My band career ended late in my senior year when John Cooper and I threw my amplifier out the dormitory window. We did not act in haste. First we checked to make sure the amplifier would fit through the frame, using the belt from my bathrobe to measure, then we picked up the amplifier and backed up to my bedroom door. Then we rushed forward, shouting "The WHO! The WHO!" and we launched my amplifier perfectly, as though we had been doing it all our lives, clean through the window and down onto the sidewalk, where a small but appreciative crowd had gathered. I would like to be able to say that this was a symbolic act, an effort on my part to break cleanly away from one state in my life and move on to another, but the truth is, Cooper and I really just wanted to find out what it would sound like. It sounded OK. -- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
Hear about... the female activist who went berserk during a demonstration and attacked a karate-trained cop with a deadly weapon. She ended up a chopped libber?