If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? -- Richard M. Nixon

A sweetheart named Teresa Arden Went down on her beau in the garden. He db2 universal database multiple vulnerabilities said, "Good lord, Tess, Don't swallow that mess!" And she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?"

The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless. -- Nicolas Chamfort

Q: If Tarzan was Jewish, and Jane was a princess, what would Cheetah be? A: A fur coat.

It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

Office Automation, n.: The use of computers to improve efficiency by removing anyone you would want to talk with over coffee.

Do what comes naturally. iseries information center Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) A friend will step forward and confide in you about your breath. Rely on your outgoing personality and winning smile to get you into a lot of trouble. Be relaxed, things will change. Look for a pink slip on payday. Stop wetting your bed.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #7 OUT OF "OUT OF AFRICA": This film is a compilation of selected news clips depicting audiences frantically pushing and shoving to get out of theatres where "Out of Africa" is showing. Many people are trampled to death in the frenzy. Due to its violence and offensive language, not recommended for younger viewers.

Although a fifth-generation American, Father Sweeny was more Irish than most of Erin's natives. He spoke with an Irish brogue which had mysteriously appeared during his nineteenth year and he *hated* the English. Due to his proclivity to belabor the British from his pulpit, complaints to his superiors were not infrequent. He would blame anything evil or merely inconvenient on the English people. If there was an act of terrorism, the responsibility was promptly laid at the feet of the Brits. If there was a natural disaster, undoubtedly the English government was an accessory to the fact, if not outrightly culpable. Repeatedly, his superiors called him on the carpet for his behavior. After a particularly vituperative anti-British broadside, the Bishop instructed Father Sweeny to come straight to his office; do not pass GO; do not collect two hundred dollars. Summing up a humiliating and soul-marking reprimand, the Bishop ended with: "Next week is Saint Patrick's Day. If you so much as *mention* the British, it's your last sermon!" The following Sunday, as Father Sweeny spoke lovingly and eloquently of Saint Patrick, and he made a reference to the last Passover celebrated by Christ and His disciples. "Sure, an' you're all familiar with the tale. You know that Our Lord sat at the table and told his disciples that one among them would betray Him. As He looked around the table, He stopped at Peter, the Rock, who said, `Not I, Lord!' He looked at Thomas, who doubted, and Thomas said, `I could never do such a thing!' Then the Lord looked long and hard at Judas Iscariot, who said, `Cor, bloimy, Guv'na, you couldn't main may!'"

You cannot walk away from love.

redhat lagnaf, n.: Let's All Get Naked And Fuck!

"The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79. .... When it's fall in New York, the air smells as if someone's been frying goats in it, and if you are keen to breathe the best plan is to open a window and stick your head in a building." - Nuff said??

Harry came into work on Monday feeling absolutely fine, and so was astonished when his secretary urged him to lie down on the sofa; even more so when his boss took one look at him and ordered him to take the day, if not the week, off. Even his poker buddies wouldn't have anything to do with him, insisting that he go straight to bed. Finally, tired of resisting everyone's advice, he went to see his doctor, who took one look at him and rushed over with a stretcher. "But doctor," he protested, "I feel fine." Well, this was a puzzler, conceded the doctor, who proceeded to refer to the enormous reference tomes behind his desk, muttering to himself. "Looks good, feels good... No, you look like hell. Looks good, feels terrible... Nah, you feel fine, right?" Thumbing furiously through another volume, he said, "Looks terrible, feels terrible... Nope, that won't do it either." Finally, "Looks terrible, feels terrific... Aha!! You're a vagina!"

A hunter saved a native boy from a boa constrictor. In gratitude, the boy gave the hunter a magic gorilla prick. The lad said the prick would do anything you told it to do until you told it to do something else. When the hunter returned home to England, he put the magic gorilla prick on the mantle along with some of his other trophies. His wife thought it quaint and his story charming. But soon, the hunter went a-safariing again. He was away for months. One evening, the woman eyed the MGP carefully and whispered, "Gorilla Prick, fuck me." Whereupon the thing jumped off the mantle and began to bang her with great thoroughness and ferocity. For the first twenty minutes it was pure heaven, but after the next few minutes it became fatiguing, and she said, "Stop it, Gorilla Prick," but it didn't. After a bit more she was screaming "Stop! Stop!" at the thing and trying to pull it out of her smoking hole. But nothing worked. Finally, the butler bursts into the room, summoned by her screams. "Saunders, help me please!" "But what is it, Madame?" "It's a Magic Gorilla Prick!" "Gorilla prick, my ass!! ... AAAaaeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiii!!!!!!"

Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?

Q: How pearson government store many Democrats does it take to enjoy a good joke? A: One more than you can find.

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Dames lie about anything -- just for practice. -- Raymond Chandler

Do not jdbc overview believe in miracles -- rely on them.

Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover.

Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited in Halstead, Kansas.

"It runs like _x, where _x is something unsavory" -- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435

Don't oci - careers - overview eat yellow snow.

"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." George W. Bush June 14, 2001 From comments made in Gothenburg, Sweden.

Ah, but the choice of dreams to live, there's the rub. For all dreams are not equal, some exit to nightmare most end with the dreamer But at least one must be lived ... and died.

*** NEWSFLASH *** Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey!!!! Details at eleven!

"It's great to have a friend who appreciates an earnest discussion of ideas." -Calvin

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"Computers and automation have become so ingrained and essential to day-to-day business that a sensible business should not rely on a single vendor to provide essential services........Thus it is always in a customers' interests to demand that the software they deploy be based on non-proprietary platforms." -- Brian Behlendorf on OSS (Open Sources, 1999 O'Reilly and Associates)

Chicago has journalists' bars, ethnic bars, neighborhood bars, even midget bars, hundreds, maybe thousands of bars, on on every neighborhood block. I was drinking on afternoon in O'Rourke's, a bar on the Near North side. It was dark and empty, which suited my mood. A fat, stubble-bearded, middle-aged man waddled in, took the stool next to mine, and ordered a beer. He was completely unremarkable, except that he was dressed, head to toe, in a white-lace wedding gown. After a silence, I said, "Been to a wedding?" He brushed back his veil, rustled his petticoats and said, "Uh... yeah." He silently finished his drink and left. The bartender said, "You know, even the transvestites in this town have five o'clock shadows."

Back in '80 or '81 the workers were rioting in Gdansk and there were fears that the Soviets would invade Poland to put down the demonstrations. Foreign correspondents were curious as to just what the Poles would do if they were invaded. They asked, "What will you do if the East Germans invade from the West and the Soviets invade from the East? Who will you fight first?" To which the Poles replied, "Why, we will fight the Germans first. Business before pleasure."

An Argentine gaucho named Bruno Who said, "Fucking is one thing I do know. cdtext Women are fine And sheep are divine But llamas are numero uno."

When one wants to get rid of an unsupportable pressure, one needs hashish. -- Friedrich Nietzsche

I used to be interested in Windows NT, but the more I see of it the more it looks like traditional Windows with a stabler kernel. I don't find anything technically interesting there. In my opinion MS is a lot better at making money than it is at making good operating systems. -- Linus Torvalds

Confucious say: man with athletic finger make broad jump

Marijuana is contact us nature's way of saying, "Hi!".

A Catholic and a Methodist were carpooling to work one morning, when a brick fell out of the sky, which startled the driver and caused him to swerve off the road and into a telephone pole, totaling the car. The two stumbled out of the wreckage, both feeling quite fortunate to be alive. The Catholic crossed himself. Then the Protestant crossed himself in an accentuated manner. "Hey," said the Catholic, "I why did you cross yourself, you're not Catholic!" "Just checking," replied his friend, crossing himself again, "spectacles, testicles, wallet, pen."

Verflucht, sagte die Giftschlange, als sie sich in die Zunge biss.

An architect fellow named Yoric Could, when feeling euphoric, Display for selection Three kinds of erection- Corinthian, ionic, and doric.

Filth and old age, I'm sure you will agree, community Are powerful wardens upon chastity. -- Geoffrey Chaucer

Alden's Laws: (1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy. (2) Always be backlit. (3) Sit down whenever possible.

Man in stall: Hey, buddy? Is there any toilet paper out there? Man at sink: No, I don't see any. Just a second... Nope, none in any of the other stalls either. A minute passes. Man in stall: Say, buddy? Man at sink: Yeah? Man in stall: You got change for a ten?

Reporter: "The European Union and Japan have filed a challenge in the WTO (World Trade Organization) against a rule in the Agriculture Appropriations bill that would allow steel companies to receive money from antidumping duties." Bush: "Say again now?" George W. Bush December 22, 2000 Spoken during a press conference held by the president-elect.

novell Every suicide is a solution to a problem. -- Jean Baechler

The three sexual positions during preganancy. During the first four months: Missionary style During the second four months: Doggie style And during the last month: Coyote event > view > summaries style Coyote style? You sit by the hole and howl.

After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe everything. Just in case.

There's more than one way to skin a cat: Way number 27 -- Use an electric sander.

This land is made of mountains, This land is made of mud, This land has lots of everything, For me and Elmer Fudd. This land has lots of trousers, This land has lots of mousers, And pussycats to eat them When the sun goes down.

...And have you ever noticed that you never see the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost partying together at the same time? Oh, sure, everybody talks suche like they aren't the same person, but I wonder...

A busy young lady named Gloria Was had by Sir Gerald du Maurier And then by six men, Sir Gerald again, And the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.

Politicians do it to everyone.

Do you remember when you only had to pay for windows when *you* broke them? -- Noel Maddy

Remember kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room, be sure that you're q&a: ibm's leblanc on websphere plans the one holding it. -- Mr. Greenfatigues

Life is like a cucumber -- one moment it's in your hand, the next it's products up your ass.

To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life. -- Senator Edmund Muskie

Old robot: I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

A fool must now and then be right by chance.

ARIES (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19) Be cheerful today. People who don't like you will outnumber those who do. You have warts. Focus on domestic status, financial free cd and dvd burning (writing) and copying software (thefreecountry.com) matters, and venereal disease. Look for involvement with Libra or Aquarius natives; probably a fistfight with one of each.

It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead. -- Churchy La Femme

Conservative, n.: One who admires radicals centuries after they're dead. -- Leo C. Rosten

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish. -- Lenny Bruce

If you can believe ten impossible things before breakfast, then you should join THE CHURCH OF COUNTERFACTUAL BELIEF The Church of Counterfactual Belief has been set up to cater to all who don't allow demonstrable truth to get in the way of their beliefs. In addition to creation science and the flatness of the earth, the following beliefs have been certified by Pope Duane as Church dogma: -- That there is a hole in the Earth at the North Pole from which UFOs come. -- That pi equals precisely 3.000. -- That sex can be enjoyed only by blacks and homosexuals. -- That Billy Joe Wilson (Hoopla, Miss.) has successfully squared the circle. -- That Harry Truman is still president, and doing a fine job. -- That pi equals precisely 22/7. Several other important counterfactual beliefs are presently being studied, including Reaganomics, A.I., and that the moon landings were done in a Hollywood special effects studio. These will be the subject of a forthcoming Papal Bull ...

Nurse Jones is a regular on the newsgroup [alt.sex.bondage], and occasionally has technical topics - desktop problems with folks harrassing her. She came up with this in response to one... Fortunately, my ego isn't as fragile as that woodpecker's wing. When fratboy called me a dyke I told him that actually I was bisexual, but that he shouldn't feel threatened because he didn't meet either of my standards. But if it makes you feel more comfortable, I said, my husband tied me to the bedposts this morning and screwed the daylights out of me. "Just think," said Nurse Jones, "... that was four hours ago and my sperm count is probably *still* higher than yours."

Jargon Coiner (#3) An irregular feature that aims to give you advance warning of new jargon that we've just made up. * LILOSPLAININ': Arduous process of explaining why there's now a LILO boot prompt on the office computer. Example: "John had some lilosplainin' to do after his boss turned on the computer and the Windows splash screen didn't appear." * UPTIME DOWNER: Depression that strikes a Linux sysadmin after his uptime is ruined. Can be caused by an extended power outtage, a pet chewing through the power cord, a lightning bolt striking the power line, or an urgent need to reboot into Windows to read a stupid Word document. * OSTR (Off-Switch Total Recall): The sudden recollection of something terribly important you need to do online that occurs exactly 0.157 seconds after you've shut down your computer.

After repeatedly warding off her date's amorous advances during the evening, the pretty young thing decided to put her foot down: "See here," she shouted indignantly. "This is positively the last time I'm going to tell you `no'." "Splendid!" exclaimed her date. "Now we can start making some progress."

Hang gliders go down very slowly.

Hear about... the hurricane that recently struck Fire sleepycat software: download Island -- Hurricane Bruce?

It seems like once people grow up, articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml they have no idea what's cool. -- Calvin

Psychics will soon lead dogs to your body.

I tell ya, drugs never worked out for me. The first time I tried smoking pot I didn't know what I was doing. I smoked half the joint, got the munchies, and ate the other half. Well, the first time I tried coke I was so embarrassed. I kept getting the bottle stuck up my nose. -- Rodney Dangerfield

vaginal lubricant, n.: A slitty slicker.

Don't take life too seriously -- which web host would you recommend? (reviews of best web hosts?) (thesitewizard.com) you'll never get out of it alive.

Mother is the invention of necessity.

"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends." -- Woody Allen

Have you ever stopped to think what it would be like to have a woman President? "I can't deal with the Russians today. Not now. I've got my period." -- Steven Moore

Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny.

Living in Hollywood is like living in a bowl of granola. What ain't fruits eglobal and nuts is flakes.

Damn braces. -- William Blake, "Proverbs of Hell"

Yuck Foo.

Press any key to continue or any the latest news & announcements about linux in embedded applications ... other key to quit.

Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly. "What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex. "Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose. "That's nonsense," said the father. "Why do you say that?" "Well," said Rose,"you always told us that when we die we'll see God; so when I heard Mommy moaning last night I rushed to her bedroom and she was screaming, "Oh God, here I come," and she would have but Uncle Jerry held her down."

Have you ever wondered what makes Californians so calm? Besides drugs, I mean. The answer is hot tubs. A hot tub is a redwood container filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite sex, none of whom is necessarily your spouse. After a few hours in their hot tubs, Californians don't give a damn about earthquakes or mass murderers. They don't give a damn about anything , which is why they are able to produce "Laverne and Shirley" week after week. -- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"

"Laughter is the closest distance between two people." -- Victor Borge

Increased Electricity Consumption Blamed on Linux WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The US Department of Energy claims Linux is partially responsible for the increased demand for electricity during the past year. Electricity use was up 2.5% from January to September of 1998 compared with the same period in 1997. "While some of the increase can be attributed to higher temperatures over the summer," one Department bureaucrat explained, "Linux is certainly a contributor to the increased demand for power." When asked for clarification, the bureaucrat responded, "In the past, most PCs have been turned off when not in use. Linux users, on the other hand, usually don't turn off their computers. They leave them on, hoping to increase their uptime to impress their friends. And since Linux rarely crashes the entire system, those computers stay on for weeks, months, even sql server worldwide user group help center (sql server, oracle, db2, xml) years at a time. With Linux use continuing to grow, we expect demand for electricity to increase steadily over the next several years." In response to the news, several utility companies have announced plans to give away free Linux CDs to paying customers who request them. One anonymous executive said, "The more people who use Linux, the more power they consume. The more electricity they use, the more money we make. It's a win-win combination." Yesterday Linus Torvalds was nominated as a candidate for the Assocation of American Utility Companies Person of the Year.

When the naive young lady asked the clerk in Le Sex Shoppe to show her his selection of vibrators, he brought out the two most popular ones. "The basic white plastic one here is twenty dollars," the clerk said. "The flesh-toned rubber models are thirty." "I'm just not sure," the woman said, Then she noticed an eye-catching item on the back shelf. "How much is that plaid one over there? "Uh, well, that's a pretty special one," said the clerk. "I couldn't sell you that one for less than a hundred." "I'll take it." Later that day, the store owner checked in to see how business was going. "Great," the clerk told him. "This morning, I sold four white vibrators and three flesh-toned ones. And, this afternoon, I got a hundred bucks for my Thermos."

"In case you were wondering, that was just for Zapp." -Leela, after kissing Fry

In a five year period we can get one superb programming language. Only we can't control when the five year period will begin.

"Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers." -- A analysis of Neo-Nazis, from "The Badger" comic

The three most important parts of articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml a stove: lifter, leg, and poker.

People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.

"The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also." "I would not interfere with any one's religion, either to strengthen it or to weaken it. I am not able to believe one's religion can affect his hereafter one way or the other, no matter what that religion may be. But it may easily be a great comfort to him in this life -- hence it is a valuable posession to him." "I do not see how eternal punishment hereafter could accomplish any good end, therefore I am not able to believe in it. To chasten a man in order to perfect him might be reasonable enough; to annihilate him when he shall have proved himself incapable of reaching perfection mught be reasonable enough; but to roast him forever for the mere satisfaction of seeing him roast would not be reasonable -- even the atrocious God imagined by the Jews would tire of the spectacle eventually." -- Mark Twain

Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.

If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney

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"Right hand up, please. Actually right hand on your heart." George W. Bush July 11, 2001 President Bush's instructions to a group of new citizens at an Ellis Island citizenship ceremony. He was leading them in the Pledge of Allegiance. (Reported by Reuters)

But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. But Edison's greatest achievement came in 1879, when he invented the electric company. Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again. This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few customers take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact the last year any new electricity was generated in the United States was 1937; the electric companies have been merely re-selling it ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate increases. -- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"

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Close the door, let me give you what you've been waiting for!!

"I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to say tuned."

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"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to the right stuff (new initiatives at ibm) make it up." -- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"

Q: An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God? A: Yes, up to isomorphism!

Fertility is hereditary. If your parents didn't have any children, neither will you.

Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month. -- Wernher von Braun

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Runners do it alone.

Favorite Windows game: "Guess what this icon does?"

It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's a pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into the sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color. -- Voltaire

Ken Thompson has an automobile which he helped design. Unlike most automobiles, it has neither speedometer, nor gas gage, nor sql server worldwide user's group - privacy policy any of the numerous idiot lights which plague the modern driver. Rather, if the driver makes any mistake, a giant "?" lights up in the center of the dashboard. "The experienced driver", he says, "will usually know what's wrong."

Microsoft seems to have gotten a lot of mileage out of the C2 rating for NT with no network connection. I wonder if a B3 rating for Linux with no power cord might be of value.

You will re

As I was passing Project MAC, I met a Quux with seven hacks. Every hack had seven bugs; Every bug had seven manifestations; Every manifestation had seven symptoms. Symptoms, manifestations, bugs, and hacks, How many losses at Project MAC?

A computer without Microsoft is like ice cream without ketchup.

The two couples were enjoying their vacation together at a resort hotel. They were in the middle of a game of Scrabble in the lobby when a thunderstorm cut off the hotel's electricity, leaving little to do but retire to their rooms. Bill was a rather devout man, so before getting into or1cedar bed with his companion, he said his prayers. As he got under the covers, the lightning suddenly flashed through the window and he discovered that he was in the wrong room. He instantly jumped up and started to dash for the hallway. "It's too late, called the girl from the bed, "my guy doesn't pray."

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So you fucked up... you trusted us! -- Animal House

If every kid had a funny tooth to bite down on whenever the world disappointed him, prussic acid could solve our population problems in one generation. -- G.C. Edmonson's Albert, "The Man Who Corrupted Earth"

Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take top 25 weblogs -- past 30 days an elephant to lunch.

Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I!

I don't love you, asshole, I love your daughter. -- The Undergraduate

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"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." -- Mark Twain

Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Excellent time to become a missing person.

A foolish geologist from Kissen Just didn't know what he was missin', By studying rock And neglecting his cock, And using experts-exchange it merely for pissin'.

Krieg ist nur die Fortsetzung von Politik mit anderen Mitteln. -- Carl von Clausewitz

DIVE!!! DIVE!!! DIVE!!! UP PERISCOPE!!! (Ooops, sorry, wrong fantasy.)

Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.

Condense soup, petefinnigan not books!

First Corollary of Taber's Second Law: Machines that piss people off get murdered. -- Pat Taber

Es ist sch�n, mit jemand schweigen zu k�nnen. -- Kurt Tucholsky

"`You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasently like being drunk.' `What's so unpleasent about being drunk?' `You ask a glass of water.'" - Arthur getting ready for his first jump into hyperspace.

You are sick, twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.

The best Windows accelerator is that which works at 9.81 m/s2 -- From a Slashdot.org post

A talented girl from Detroit Could fuck you in ways quite adroit. She could squeeze her vagina To a pin-point or finer Or open it out like a quoit.

Cox's philosophy: Life's a bitch, then you die.

However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise. There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being. But like any powerful weapon, the use of God's name on one's behalf should be used sparingly. The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following their position 100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both. I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in "A," "B," "C," and "D." Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me? And I am even more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of every religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to control my vote on every roll call in the Senate. I am warning them today: I will fight them every step of the way if they try to dictate their moral convictions to all Americans in the name of "conservatism." -- Senator Barry Goldwater, Congressional Record

Deliberate provocation of mystical experience, particularly by LSD and related hallucinogens, in contrast to spontaneous visionary experiences, entails dangers that must not be underestimated. Practitioners must take into account the peculiar effects of these substances, namely their ability to influence our consciousness, free security, privacy and anonymity resources (thefreecountry.com) the innermost essence of our being. The history of LSD to date amply demonstrates the catastrophic consequences that can ensue when its profound effect is misjudged and the substance is mistaken for a pleasure drug. Special internal and external advance preparations are required; with them, an LSD experiment can become a meaningful experience. -- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD

If you meet somebody who tells you that he loves you more than anybody in the whole wide world, don't trust him. It means he experiments.

The townspeople stood in despair as the fire that had begun in a diner threatened to spread to adjoining homes. Just then, a truck filled with farm workers came speeding down a hill toward the fire. The crowd moved back and the truck drove right into the thickest of the flames. The workers jumped out and beat at the fire with their coats, miraculously bringing the blaze under control. The city fathers were so grateful for the men's heroism that they gave each a plaque and $1000. After the ceremony, newsmen interviewed the driver and asked him what he was going to do with the money. "You can be damned sure the first thing I'm gonna do," he replied, "is get the brakes fixed on that son-of-a-bitchin' truck!"

Any philosophy that can be put in the right stuff (new initiatives at ibm) a nutshell belongs there. -- Sydney J. Harris

Look afar and see the end from the beginning.

CANCER (June 21 - July 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients are Cancer people.

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According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.

Hear about... the ambitious secretary who walked into her boss's office and demanded a salary on next week's advance?

Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.

Lieber siebenmal mit Schneewittchen, als einmal mit den Zwergen...

Well, it seems that there was this traveling saleswoman whose car broke down, late at night, in the middle of a torrential downpour. Hoping to find a phone she ran to a nearby farmhouse. When she was unable to find a garage still open, the farmer told her that, while they were short of beds, she could sleep with his daughter. The daughter proved to eighteen and beautiful. So they went to bed, and linuxdevices.com -- search page shortly afterward, the saleswoman rolled over toward the daughter and said, "Dear, I'm sure that you're aware that some women like... to be with... other women. Let me be frank..." "No!" interrupted the daughter, sternly. "This time *I* want to be Frank!"

It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.

Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.

"We have struggled to not proceed, but to precede to the oci - news - what's new future of a nation's child." George W. Bush November 12, 2000 Quoted in the Journal Gazette.

America cannot be sold a can of beer without being offered a piece of pussy along with it. -- Julius Lester

Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.

Macht den Reichtum billiger!

Um es im Leben zu etwas zu bringen, mu� man fr�h aufstehen, bis in die Nacht arbeiten - und �l finden. -- Jean Paul Getty, amerikan. �lmilliard�r, 1892-1976

A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention.

In the Top 40, half the songs are secret messages to the teen world to drop out, turn on, and groove with the chemicals and light shows at discotheques. -- Art Linkletter

Leela: And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody.

If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.